If you are pregnant and considering adoption, you may have heard conflicting information about what adoption means for you and your baby. Some adoption myths come from older ideas about closed adoption, while others come from movies, social media or other people’s experiences.
Modern private adoption can look very different from what many people imagine. You may be able to choose the adoptive family, get to know them before your baby is born and decide what kind of relationship you would like after placement.
Before making any decision, it helps to separate common adoption myths from what the process can actually look like today.
Adoption Alliance can answer your questions and explain your options without requiring you to make an adoption plan.
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Myth #1: Considering Adoption Means You Don’t Love Your Baby
Reality: Considering adoption does not determine how much you love your child.
Some expectant mothers worry that other people will judge them for even thinking about adoption.
You may hear comments such as, “If you loved your baby, you would raise the baby yourself.” That can make an already difficult decision even harder.
But considering adoption can involve a great deal of thought about your baby’s future.
You may be thinking about your current circumstances, the support available to you and the kind of life you hope your child will have. You may also be considering your own readiness to parent.
None of those questions tells anyone how much you love your baby.
You are allowed to explore adoption without defending your love for your baby to anyone else.
Myth #2: If I Choose Adoption, I’ll Never Know Anything About My Child Again
Reality: Many modern adoptions include ongoing communication.
This is one of the biggest ways adoption has changed from the way many people still picture it.
In an open adoption, birth parents and adoptive parents may have direct communication after placement. Depending on the relationship, that might include:
- Photos and updates
- Text messages
- Phone calls
- Video calls
- Birthday or holiday communication
- In-person visits
A semi-open adoption can provide ongoing communication with more privacy.
A closed adoption generally involves little or no direct contact.
You can also choose the adoptive family you would like to consider for your baby.
Learn about open, semi-open and closed adoption .
Myth #3: Birth Parents Eventually Forget the Child They Placed for Adoption
Reality: Adoption does not require you to forget your child or your experience.
Placing a child for adoption can remain an important part of a birth parent’s life.
You may remember your pregnancy, your baby’s birth and the decisions you made during that time. If you have an open adoption, your relationship with your child and the adoptive family may also continue in some form.
Birth parents may experience grief and loss after placement even when they feel confident about their adoption decision.
There is no single way you are supposed to feel.
You may experience sadness, relief, grief, hope or several emotions at the same time.
Myth #4: Choosing Adoption Is Irresponsible
Reality: Exploring adoption can be part of making a thoughtful pregnancy decision.
An unexpected pregnancy may leave you considering several possibilities.
You may think about parenting. You may explore adoption. You may need time to understand your finances, relationships, housing, education, career plans or support system.
Learning about adoption does not mean you are avoiding responsibility. It means you are gathering information about one of your options.
Parenting and adoption are both significant decisions. Neither should be chosen simply because someone else tells you what you “should” do.
Learn about common reasons women consider adoption .
Myth #5: Adopted Children Always Have Serious Emotional or Behavioral Problems
Reality: Being adopted does not determine a child’s future.
Adopted children can grow into healthy, happy and successful adults.
At the same time, adoption can raise real questions about identity, birth family, loss and belonging as a child grows.
That does not mean something is wrong with an adopted child.
Instead, adoptive parents should be prepared to talk openly about adoption and support their child as questions arise.
A healthy adoptive family should recognize a child’s entire story rather than pretending adoption has no emotional complexity.
Myth #6: A Birth Mother Will Always Regret Choosing Adoption
Reality: Birth-parent experiences are different, and grief does not automatically mean regret.
Adoption can involve loss.
A birth parent may grieve after placement while still believing adoption was the right decision for her circumstances.
Other birth parents may have periods when they question their decision. Some may feel more settled over time. Experiences can also change as life circumstances change.
There is no single emotional outcome that applies to every birth parent.
That is why counseling and post-placement support can be important.
If you are considering adoption, ask what support is available after placement, not only during pregnancy.
Myth #7: Adoptive Parents Cannot Love a Child Because They Are Not Biologically Related
Reality: Families can form deep and lasting bonds through adoption.
Biology is one way families are formed, but it is not the only way.
Adoptive parents make a lifelong commitment to raise, protect and care for their child.
However, this does not mean an adoptive family should try to replace or erase the birth family.
Healthy adoptive parenting recognizes that a child can have meaningful connections to both the family raising them and the people who are part of their biological history.
In an open adoption, those relationships may continue alongside one another.
Myth #8: Once I Talk to an Adoption Agency, I Have to Choose Adoption
Reality: Asking questions does not commit you to an adoption plan.
You can contact Adoption Alliance simply to ask questions.
You can learn how adoption works, look at waiting-family profiles and talk about your circumstances without making a final decision.
You remain the parent while you are pregnant and before the applicable legal steps occur after birth.
Learn how the adoption process works in Texas .
Myth #9: I Won’t Have Any Say in Who Adopts My Baby
Reality: In private adoption, you can choose the adoptive family.
You can review profiles of approved families waiting to adopt.
Depending on what matters to you, you may consider:
- Where they live
- Whether they already have children
- Their lifestyle
- Their values and traditions
- Their extended family
- Their interests
- Their approach to education
- Their thoughts about open adoption
You may also be able to talk with or meet prospective adoptive parents before deciding whether you feel comfortable with them.
You do not have to choose the first family you see.
Meet families waiting to adopt .
Myth #10: Adoption Means I Have No Control Over What Happens at the Hospital
Reality: You can discuss your hospital preferences before your baby is born.
Your hospital experience is still your medical experience.
You can talk with your adoption professional about preferences such as:
- Who you want with you during labor
- Whether you want the prospective adoptive family at the hospital
- How much time you want with your baby
- Whether you want the adoptive family to spend time with the baby
- How you would like communication handled
Your medical decisions remain between you and your healthcare providers.
Myth #11: Adoption Has to Be Decided Before the Baby Is Born
Reality: You can still ask about adoption after your baby arrives.
Some women begin making an adoption plan early in pregnancy.
Others do not begin considering adoption until late in pregnancy or after delivery.
If your baby has already been born, it is not too late to contact Adoption Alliance.
You may still be in the hospital, or you may already be home with your baby. Our team can explain the options available in your situation.
You do not need to have an adoptive family selected before you call.
Learn more about placing a baby for adoption in Texas .
What Should I Do If I’m Hearing Conflicting Things About Adoption?
Start by considering where the information is coming from.
A friend’s experience may be real, but it does not mean your experience will be identical.
Movies and social media may focus on unusual or dramatic adoption stories rather than what most private adoption processes look like.
Likewise, adoption agencies should not pressure you or promise that adoption will solve every problem in your life.
Look for information from licensed professionals and reliable sources. Ask questions about your rights, choosing a family, financial assistance, openness, the hospital process and post-placement support.
Most importantly, give yourself permission to take time.
Questions to Ask Before Making an Adoption Plan
You might ask:
- Can I choose the adoptive family?
- Can I meet them before the baby is born?
- What does open adoption look like?
- What pregnancy-related assistance may be available?
- What happens at the hospital?
- What legal rights do I have before placement?
- What support is available after adoption?
- What happens if I decide adoption is not right for me?
- Can someone explain the process without pressuring me?
A good adoption professional should be willing to answer those questions clearly.
Don’t Let Adoption Myths Make the Decision for You
The purpose of learning about adoption myths is not to convince you to choose adoption.
It is to help make sure your decision is based on accurate information rather than fear, outdated ideas or pressure from other people.
Adoption may be right for you, or you may decide that parenting is the better choice for your circumstances.
Either way, you deserve accurate information and the opportunity to make your own decision.
Have Questions About Adoption? We’re Available 24/7.
Adoption Alliance is a licensed Texas adoption agency that has worked with expectant parents and adoptive families since 1989.
You can contact us to ask questions about adoption without committing to an adoption plan.
Our team can explain the process, help you understand your options and show you profiles of approved families waiting to adopt.
Our services for expectant parents are free and confidential.